Oh dear. Life can be so sad sometimes. At times I really wish that I had the problems of a recent Jakartass correspondent. I've decided to share his unfortunate circumstances and vast fortune with you so I can feel better. However, the less said about the "defiling" of his medicine, the better.
As you read this message, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday
(You're right on that one mate)
My name is Jamal Saleh, a merchant in Dubai, in the UAE. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer, which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
I have no particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone not even myself but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous,
(Probably how you got rich, tight ass.) I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I really cared for. But now I regret all this, as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it now.
(Too late for hindsight. Or should that be foresight?)
Now that God! Has called me, I have willed and giving most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members and as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to charity organizations in U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my self any more. I once asked members of my family to close one of my bank accounts and distribute the money in it to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, the refused and kept the money to them selves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.
(They probably contend that you should have helped them before.)
The last of my money, which no one knows about, is the huge cash deposit of US$18.5m (Eighteen million five hundred thousand US dollars) that I have kept with a security firm in Europe. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations. If you are willing to help me, please send me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
I have set aside 10% of the total amount for your time and patience.
Thank you and God be with you.
Seriously folks, I'm going to wait until his demise and the certainty of a letter from his close relative. I'm sure s/he'll offer me a bigger cut.
Failing that, I'll go and defile his grave. I know I'll be able to find it here