Bah Humbug!
We may be still celebrating the end of Ramadhan, the fasting month, but I'm sure it's time to plan for Xmas. Elsewhere, lights are lit, shops are no doubt full of festive fripperies and some folk have even had their Xmas dinner!

We expats in Jakarta celebrate things differently. Firstly, we need to get the shopping for our loved ones 'back home' done now, especially if we rely on the postal service, or lack of one. There are usually a few bazaars organised by expat wives associations. These are well-organised, as shown by this list of those held last year. Naturally, this year's list will be online next year.

Given that we're all aliens abroad, I've found a few appropriate presents.

Guys, need some space, preferably far away? An acre of Mars, Venus or the Moon will only set you back £25. If you should get abducted by aliens whilst visiting your homestead, then a Location Earth Dog Tag should help you eventually find your way home. If you fail to return, you will be entitled to a full refund of the purchase price. A bargain, I think you'll agree, at $12.99.

Ladies may well be more down-to-earth and wish to keep their menfolk closer to hand, so to speak. You could do no better than enrolling in The Exotic Experience. Show your man how sexy you really are. Come along and improve your confidence, and spice up your personal life. Look sexy, feel sexy, and be sexy. For all age types and for any shape or size. Fun, friendly and professional, covering all aspects of Pole and Lap Dancing, great for fitness and flirting alike! Also learn to Striptease, Curvaceous Cardio, What to wear, Podium Dancing, Posture, Etiquette and Make-Up tips. Light lunch and drinks are included. Only £75.

Once you've demonstrated your newly-honed skills, you'll want to know that your man is worthy. Does he stand the test of time? Invest in a Sex Timer, only £5.99.

Those of you who never forget the true significance of Xmas, which is that the correct spelling is Christmas, may wish to buy 'Er Indoors some fridge magnets of your Saviour.

What are you doing Jesus?

Finally, give a thought to Emyl Christmas here in Jakarta who is seeking an honest and simple man who is mature both personality and spiritualy.

Come on guys. This is the season for giving.