What do you say when you want to be excused because you're busting for a shit or a pee?
Maybe you're American and mutter something about going to the bathroom, ignoring the fact that most Brits would wonder about your general cleanliness. But then if you're a British male you might mention that you have to see a man about a dog to which your blokish mates would suggest that actually you're going to point percy at the porcelain.
And where do you do your business? Do you say lavatory, toilet, WC or little room? In Jakartass Towers, given the stack of reading material, we call it the restroom. For other folk it's the throne room, a reminder that even queens take a shit now and then.
Yep, in loo of using direct language about natural bodily functions, we use a pile of shitty euphemisms. We get pissed off and embarrassed as if we are higher ethereal beings able to deny our baser animal existence. This, as Moonfish in Malaysia relates, can lead to a breakdown in effective communication.
And that could be why here in Indonesia, and Jakarta in particular, it's nigh on impossible to find somewhere to spend a penny. Unlike Singapore, which has a Happy Toilet Campaign, there is little focus here on the need to provide adequate facilities for the populace, and, believe me, there is a need. Although no-one seems quite sure how much crap we carry around with us - anything from 72 to 470 grammes a day - there is a need to deal with it.
And we mustn't forget that the seemingly less offensive pee also causes problems if allowed to flow free. A couple of years ago I noted that a vital road bridge in Palembang, South Sumatra was in danger of collapsing because of "excessive urination".Indcoup thinks that I'm wrong to describe Jakarta as a 'shithole', preferring to compare "the millions of tons of concrete that have been used to build this city in the last few decades" to a lady. Well, she may be, but she's certainly not a model!
And I dread to think what she'll look like after a few more decades of uncontrolled urination. Meanwhile, we should be asking those pissers and tosspots standing as gubernatorial candidates if they could give a shit about the provision of public toilets. If they mutter something vague about manifestos or aren't aware of campaigns such as the annual UK Loo of the Year Award or that Singapore's toilet cleaners undertake training and skills upgrading under the National Skills Recognition Scheme (NSRS), then you know that they don't deserve your vote because they're full of crap.
